


if only you could see yourself (from my point of view)

by coykoi



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Non-Graphic Smut, but of course, friends to lovers!!!, no real plot but that’s okay, peter + mj are plot, pining which may or may not be mutual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:08:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27595933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coykoi/pseuds/coykoi
Summary: Michelle had never expected to find herself in this situation, thinking that she was gaining better control over her emotions, her feelings, as she got older.Then again, Peter Parker has always made a mess of her, intentional or not.She shouldn’t be surprised.
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 28
Kudos: 87





	if only you could see yourself (from my point of view)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spideysmjs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideysmjs/gifts), [iovewords](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iovewords/gifts).



> happy birthday friends!!! I hope you enjoy this only slightly angsty friends to lovers <3

_“Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be ready, too.”_

Those were the words he’d promised to her two years ago, the words he whispered in her ear as he brought her into his arms. But even then, she’d felt it, the lack of comfort to their embrace, trying to be more of a salve for the wound they'd just opened together rather than an act of normalcy.

Michelle had never expected to find herself in this situation, thinking that she was gaining better control over her emotions, her feelings, as she got older. 

Then again, Peter Parker has always made a mess of her, intentional or not.

She shouldn’t be surprised.

And yet, the news was a shock to her system when Michelle first heard it, not even coming from his own mouth. She likes to think that’s what made it hurt more than it should have, the _only_ reason it hurt more.

“It’s a new thing,” Ned had told her with an apologetic look, though he looks more regretful about the fact that he’s been stuck with the man-in-the-middle role. “She asked first, and all he told me was that he said...yes. It’s on a trial and error basis so far. Nothing serious, I don’t think.”

Michelle had nodded in response, the only thoughts running through her head being _that's how it always starts_. Her smile was small and fragile as she’d thanked Ned for letting her know, even though it wasn’t supposed to be his job.

It’s hard, knowing that it was bound to end at some point—that Peter could only wait so long before wanting to move on. She can’t blame him, can’t expect someone to stand by for as much as two years until she’s ready for his heart, the one he’d always worn on his sleeve for her.

Those words had been a tentative promise, not a commitment.

Michelle shouldn’t feel as hurt as she does right now, because she was the one to turn him down, wasn’t she?

“Why?” she had asked, the first word out of her mouth after he’d confessed his feelings in her own bedroom, giving her nowhere to run.

“Are...you asking why I love you?” he’d responded with what could be considered a laugh with a nervous edge, the blush in his cheeks prominent and his hands wringing behind his back.

“No,” Michelle had said quietly, and he fell silent. They both had, gazes flitting between each other and the space behind their heads. “No. I was just wondering...why are you telling me?”

“I wanted you to know,” Peter admitted, trailing off, and looking back, she wishes that she hadn’t smiled, that she hadn’t gotten his hopes up, but her heart was warm and bursting. He could do that to her with five simple words.

“Peter, you know I love you, too.” And maybe it was the hesitancy in her tone that had confusion swirling in his eyes, but Michelle was telling the truth. She did love him, so much.

But not like he loved her.

“You love me...as a friend, right?” he asked, quieter but still understanding because that’s just the type of person he is—not someone who gets mad at the fact that maybe Michelle wasn’t on the same wavelength. “It’s okay, MJ. Like I said...I just wanted you to know.”

Michelle had held her breath, had closed her eyes as he took her in what was meant to be a friendly hug. It felt like more than that. Her fingers tangled in his hair, his hands laying flat against the small of her back.

“Things change all the time, Peter. All I know right now is that I love you more than I can say. The moment I fall _in_ love with you, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Promise?” Peter had joked, but she had nodded, completely serious. His expression softened, but his smile was wry. “I’m not going to pressure you to fall in love with me.”

“When it happens, it won’t be because of pressure,” Michelle said with a roll of her eyes.

“Sure, MJ,” he murmured, shaking his head, but as he pulled her closer once more, it didn’t feel the same as before. Less of an act of fondness, more of an obligation. “ _If_ it happens...whenever you're ready, I’ll be ready, too.”

Michelle realizes now that she’s too late, that it was finally someone else’s turn, and who is she to be upset about it?

After going home that evening, she calls him on the phone, lets it ring three times before he finally picks up. That’s when she finds out everything she hadn’t wanted to know, but now it’s nothing she can forget.

“She sounds lovely,” Michelle says, sounding much more subdued than she feels. This is supposed to be an admission that it’s fine, that she’s fine, and if he’s happy, then that’s what matters.

“Yeah. She is,” Peter responds, trailing off, and the silence on the line is enough to make her wonder who’s going to hang up first. “Do you want to maybe...meet her? For like, coffee? Or something.”

Michelle’s first instinct is to say no, knowing that the moment she meets this girl, that’s the moment it becomes real. 

But she finds herself saying yes. It doesn’t matter whether he was in love with her, or if she’s in love with him. They’re best friends, and she’s going to support whatever this could turn into, even with a heavy heart.

“I want the best for you, Parker. It’s what you deserve.”

There’s a moment of silence on his end before Peter replies with, “You know I appreciate you, MJ.”

He hangs up first.  
  


* * *

  
It’s so much easier to fall into something than to fall out, a sentiment that Peter wishes he weren’t so well-versed with.

Only two years have passed since that day, and he should’ve known that it wasn’t enough—that maybe there would be never enough time in the world for him to fall out of love, but he wanted to try anyway. He needed to try.

When this beautiful, intelligent girl in his college lit class had asked him out on a casual date, Peter couldn’t bring himself to say no. She’d smiled and he smiled, and it felt like maybe it could turn into something if he didn’t look any deeper than the surface of his emotions.

The two of them had gone to the movies, a new sci-fi one that Peter had on his to-watch list, and they held hands throughout the showing. She would whisper to him, steal his popcorn, and he had grinned through all ninety minutes.

While taking a walk afterwards, she’d managed to make him laugh on more than one occasion, dropping deadpan jokes and dark references, and he almost felt his heart skip a beat. Almost thought that she could be a new beginning.

Peter had pecked her cheek under a streetlight and said that he had a really nice time, that they should hang out again soon. She smiled, nodded, and told him that if he wants her number, he’ll have to really prove it.

So, he asked her out on another date.

It was only when he was lying in bed later that night did Peter realize why he had such a good time with a girl that he barely knew, and his heart quickly sunk back to where it belonged, to who it belonged.

With the dark humor, the dry sarcasm, the quiet way she’d laughed and the small smiles she’d offered, there was no doubt in his mind now that this girl reminded him of Michelle.

Michelle Jones, the one person Peter doesn’t think he could ever forget about. The same person he wishes he could stop thinking of first thing in the morning and last thing at night before falling asleep. Every waking moment should not be made up of her, but it is.

As much as he tried to ignore it, tried to push it further back into the recesses of his mind, Peter couldn’t deny that he was head over heels for a girl who didn’t want him back. But it’s been two years, and the sooner his love is tucked away and put to rest, the easier it would be.

Peter should’ve known moving on would be difficult, the fondness he had for her being a running theme ever since they first met during freshman year. The minute she’d sat next to him outside on the bleachers and made his shitty day just a little bit better by commenting on how nerdy his ‘ _geology rocks_ ’ t-shirt was.

His heart was weird like that.

They had become friends first, an easy relationship between them, but he knew he was fucked when they started getting closer, Michelle becoming one of the few people he considered family.

It was almost reckless, the way he hadn’t been more careful with his feelings, but it was too easy to slip up around her. She was his best friend, and she had been so easy to fall in love with.

These past two years have been hard—hard on him, on their friendship, but the last thing Peter wanted was for them to be hard on her. He knows it would’ve been so much easier for them if he’d never said anything in the first place. 

But it was Michelle, and his heart wouldn’t let up. He’d left the air open to any possibilities, saying that he would be ready for her if she ever became ready for him. It’s a promise he’s kept for two years, would keep it for years to come if he knew she was waiting at the finish line.

There were nothing but uncertainties in the air then, Michelle never giving him any signs, and therefore trapping them in an awkward limbo between friendship and strangers.

Peter had wanted an out, both for himself and for her, but mostly, he wanted some semblance of what they used to have back.

Accepting a date from someone else was the first step in a new direction, taking any pressure off Michelle to reciprocate feelings for him and taking the awkwardness away as well, he hoped.

It sounded like a good idea at first, had even felt like one throughout the date, but then Michelle had called him the next evening and it was as if his progress took two steps backwards.

She seemed happy for him.

Peter knew that was supposed to be a good thing, that this should’ve made moving on easier, but it felt like his heart took a nosedive instead, back on that familiar aching beat. 

It was a dirty sentiment, but Peter couldn’t help but want Michelle to feel something other than what she’d expressed. He wanted her to feel something other than happiness for him.

Which is why he’s asked her if she wanted to join them on a date.

Peter knew it was because of his own petty intentions, never expecting her to say yes. But then she did. A mistake on his part, no doubt, and now he was trapped in a lose-lose situation.

How was he supposed to move on through these dates, find some liking in this girl who could really become _someone_ to him, when he knew his vision was a tunnel to Michelle. 

“Fake it ‘till you make it,” Ned had advised, rather unhelpfully Peter might add, because if only it were that easy.

The coffee shop they'd agreed on was one of the few that Peter frequented quite often, a neutral place for all of them. He ordered a drink for himself and his date as they waited and waited and waited.

“Your friend is still coming, right?”

“Yeah,” Peter assures with a small smile, despite his new uncertainty of Michelle showing up at all. He hasn’t talked to her since their conversation on the phone, wouldn’t even know what to say if he saw her now. “She’ll be here soon. She always loses her keys, so that’s probably what…”

The jingling of the bell cuts him off, Peter almost nervous to turn around, but he does it anyway. Of course he does, and of course his heart skips a beat upon seeing her.

Michelle’s expression seems apprehensive, an open book for once in her life, though that quickly falls away upon meeting his eyes. She smiles something warm and familiar, but it’s her tone that seems off.

“Hey, Parker,” Michelle says, quiet and almost wary. She glances to his left, offering a small smile, a nod, and a hello. It’s friendly and civil but nothing more. “Can I…?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sit,” Peter tells her, gesturing to the seat in front of him and almost immediately regretting it. At least now he’s got an excuse for staring at her. “So...how are things?”

“Things are okay.”

“That...that’s good,” he says, already feeling as if he’s trying way too hard to make normal conversation despite only having spoken a few words. “I’m glad you came. I almost thought...”

“That I’d leave you hanging? Does that sound like me?” Michelle jokes, but her dry humor isn’t there. She offers his date a half-smile. “He’s a clingy one. The best kind of clingy, but still.”

Peter laughs quietly in response, ducking his head as he says, “Gee, thank you, MJ. I love it when you call me out like that.”

“What can I say, loser? I’m a sucker for telling the truth.” She meets his gaze, mouth opening once more before she snaps it shut again, falling completely silent. A frown tugs at her lips.

“It’s nice to see that you guys have such a good relationship,” his date comments offhandedly. “I’ll admit, I was skeptical at first. It’s rare to find a guy and a girl who are just friends.”

“Yeah?” Michelle says, and her gaze finds his, something unreadable behind her eyes. “And why do you think that is?”

“The same reason anything falls apart? Something has to get in the way.”

“Yeah. Something gets in the way.” Her voice is like an echo, quieting near the end, and she releases a breath just as he finds himself holding his own. 

“Not with us, though,” Peter manages to say, pushing down the emotion that’s starting to well up in his chest. “Right?”

“Never with us,” Michelle responds, but her gaze is locked on her cup, not on him, and he finds that he can’t quite believe her. Not when he knows something has _already_ gotten in the way of them. 

The remainder of the conversation falls into small talk, and he finds it to be terribly awkward—his date having to carry a majority of the conversation. She’s kind enough to offer his hand a reassuring squeeze as if to ease his nerves, but it does nothing for him or his heart.

Michelle has refused to meet his eyes for the remainder of the time they’ve spent together, and he knows he shouldn’t be focused on her, that his date should be his priority. 

But it’s so hard for him to put anyone before her.

And maybe that should’ve been a red flag that this wasn’t working, that trying to move on would be a moot point right now. He needs more time.

Peter almost does the right thing, almost puts it all to a stop right there and calls the date off, but then the conversation comes back around full circle, back to him and Michelle.

“So, how long have you two known each other?”

“Far too long, honestly,” Michelle answers, her tone blatant. But then she cracks a small smile, looking at him. “It’s been years. I don’t know how I’ve put up with him this long. I guess I just haven’t gotten tired of him yet.”

“So you say, MJ,” Peter responds with a tentative laugh, and she nudges his leg with her foot. “You don’t tell me everything that goes on in your head.”

“Oh, believe me, Parker. You don’t want to know everything that goes on in my head,” she snorts, the sarcasm returning to her tone. It should’ve made him feel better, the normalcy of her dryness, but his stomach had clenched instead.

“I mean, I don’t know. I bet if you were to just say everything you thought, it would be pretty enlightening.”

“It would also make me sound like quite the asshole.”

“So nothing out of the ordinary then,” Peter jokes, and she glares at him, reaching out to swat his arm. He yelps as a chuckle escapes her, like music to his ears. “Sorry! I’m sorry.”

“Are you really?” Michelle responds with a half-smile, and he slips up, makes a mistake based on instinct and instinct alone.

“Not at all,” he says, his voice is far too soft despite his words, and it’s at that point when his hand falls, not so unwillingly, to rest atop hers as it sits on the table near their cold, untouched coffees.

The two of them both freeze, and Peter quickly comes to his senses, ripping his hand away first as if he’d been burned. It’s not like they’re the ones on the date, something that’s been a constant reminder in his heart, and yet just for a moment, he’d somehow forgotten.

“If I didn’t know any better,” his date remarks in a half-humored tone, because of course she would notice what was right in front of her. “I’d ask if Peter gets touchy-feely with all of his best friends.”

“Honestly, he does,” Michelle says, and it’s nice that she’s trying to save him. Her voice is thick as she averts her gaze, tucking a curl behind her ear. 

“You sure you two are only friends?”

“We are,” Peter responds, quick to reassure, knowing that his answer is as honest as it can be. “Guys and girls can just be friends.”

“Guys and girls can just be friends, but it’s rare,” she says, quoting her earlier words. “For some reason, I’m not getting that vibe from you two anymore.”

“I don’t see why not. There’s nothing between us,” Michelle mutters, and she laughs, a bitter thing. His heart clenches for her and because of her, but this isn’t anything he hasn’t heard before. “Nothing to ruin the dynamic.”

“What, you think...feelings ruin a friendship?” Peter asks, his throat tight, aware that he doesn’t really want to know the answer. “What have these past two years been then, huh?”

“That’s just it, Peter. They haven’t been anything,” she says, the exhaustion and sadness suddenly evident on her face.

“I don’t want to be the one to get in the way of you guys,” his date speaks up, and she seems genuine. Maybe even empathetic. “It’s okay.”

Michelle pushes a frustrated hand through her hair as she says, “It’s not okay because there’s _nothing_ going on. For fuck’s sake, guys, this is your date. I’m sorry for coming. I shouldn’t have.”

“MJ,” Peter tries, watching as she gathers her belongings and stands up. “MJ, come on. You don’t have to leave.”

“But I should,” she simply utters, shaking her head before starting towards the front door. 

Peter knows realistically that he should’ve taken what he had, the shot at a relationship with the girl who had given him a chance, who’s with him now on a date because she thought she saw something between them. He did, too.

But he’s never gone the easy way, knowing that settling for a love that was only a distorted reflection of what’s lived in his heart for years would never truly satisfy him. He couldn’t do that to himself or to her, someone who undoubtedly deserves better.

Which is why he apologizes to his date, regretful yet sincere, and gets up to follow Michelle, his heart, because he needs to know what was going on.

“Michelle,” he calls out, stepping outside after her. “Where are you going?”

“To take a bath,” Michelle huffs in return, not slowing down for him. “At my apartment. Stop following me and go back to your date, Parker.”

“It’s too late, I’ve ruined my date already.”

“Congrats? What do you want me to say?” She shoves her hands in her pockets, slipping in between crowds in an attempt to lose him. “You shouldn’t have done it.”

“I couldn’t help it.”

“Sounds like a ‘you’ problem,” she responds dryly, and despite it being put in a teasing way, it doesn’t have the same lightness that it did earlier. “Honestly, I’m doing you a favor, Peter. Just go back.”

“No. _What_ is going on with you, MJ?” Peter finally catches up, snags her hand, and they stop in the middle of the sidewalk, people brushing past. “Just tell me what you’re thinking. For once.”

“I’m thinking...that I’m doing the right thing. For once,” Michelle echoes, her tone quieting into something small. “I’m letting you move on because you deserve to be loved by someone who knows how they feel. Someone who doesn’t make you wait. Someone who won’t break your heart. That person isn’t me.”

“You could break my heart a thousand times over, MJ. It would still be yours,” he admits, painfully honest, and she closes her eyes.

“I’m giving you an out, Peter.”

“Don’t you think I would’ve taken it by now if I could’ve?”

“Well, this is me forcing you to. Our friendship hasn’t been the same since you told me how you felt two years ago,” Michelle says, starting to turn away again. “And if our greatest love of all time is over now, there’s nothing left for us to be.”

This time when she walks away, Peter lets her.  
  


* * *

  
“You don’t know what you’re doing.”

Michelle had wished in that moment that Ned didn’t know her as well as he did, wished that he couldn’t read people just by a look on their face. He’d called her out bluntly one afternoon, and he was spot-on.

“You’re not allowed to tell me what I don’t know,” she’d said in response to Ned’s statement, and the words made it feel like she was hiding. Deflecting. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to take sides between your best friends?”

“That’s not a rule, and I’m not taking sides,” Ned had replied, bouncing a lego off of her back. He was in the middle of building something, and if she had to guess, it was for Peter. “I just want what’s best for you guys, and right now, you’re both miserable. That’s a sign in itself.”

“Who said I’m miserable?”

“Do I have to pull up a mirror?”

“You’re on thin ice, Leeds,” Michelle warned lightly, but looking back, he knew what he was talking about. Of course he did, the single brain cell of their friendship group belonging to him. 

Michelle hadn’t known what she was doing when she all but confessed her own feelings to Peter, only flying by the seat of her pants. She thought it was what was right for them—for him—even if it meant her heart would pay for it and her mind would torture her for it. 

There’s no doubt that Peter deserves someone who loves him back to the fullest extent. Someone who loves him incomparably, unequivocally, and relentlessly, without strings or complications or weight to shackle the feelings down.

Michelle can’t quite say if her love for him is good enough. Not after all this time.

“It’s been days. You guys can’t just keep ignoring each other.”

“I don’t see why not,” she’d deadpanned despite every emotion still flooding through her head. It was getting more difficult to hide those she doesn’t want others to see. “We’re fine, Ned. Really.”

“You don’t seem fine. Why are you making this harder on yourself?” Ned asked, brows furrowed in confusion, concern. He moves to take a seat next to her on the couch. “I know these feelings aren’t as one-sided as Peter assumes they are. Just tell him how you feel, MJ.”

“It’s taken me two years, Ned. Two years to realize that I was in love with him,” Michelle admits with a half-laugh, shaking her head. “He’s waited for me for so long, and now he wants to move on. It’s only fair that I let him.”

“No offense, MJ—”

“Don’t even start, Leeds—”

“But Peter knows what he wants better than you do.” There was a moment of hesitation from Ned before he’d continued. “If you talk to him and actually be _honest_ with him, I’m sure you’ll sort everything out. And if nothing else, at least you’ll both get closure.”

Michelle knows that Ned is right despite her fight or flight instincts screaming otherwise. She can thank him or blame him later for the idea of showing up now at Peter’s apartment door in the evening.

Her nerves are raging, her palms are clammy, and she can’t take a breath that’s not shaky, but she knocks anyway.

It takes a minute or two, but then the door cracks open, revealing Peter. He looks freshly showered yet tired, the age showing in his expression rather than through his features.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, confusion evident in his eyes, and she pretends it’s not just there to mask the leftover hurt from days ago. Whatever’s between them isn’t cold, but it’s certainly not warm.

“I was wondering if we could talk,” Michelle says, chewing the inside of her cheek and preparing for the possibility of him closing the door in her face—just as she had figuratively done just a few days ago.

Instead, Peter nods slowly and steps aside so she can slip past him, into his apartment. The television is on in the background, muted, and there’s a half-eaten bowl of cereal on the counter. A box of Frosted Flakes is peeking out of the cupboard, one that she’d brought over a while ago and never finished.

“What did you want to talk about?” Peter asks, brushing past her to dump his cereal out, bowl clattering in the sink. His back is turned to her, and she figures it’ll be easier this way.

“You,” she answers simply, gauging the way his muscles tense. “If we’re being specific, you and me.”

“Oh.” He nods, still facing the sink. “Listen, MJ, we don’t have to rehash this again. I mean, I got your message loud and clear. We just aren’t...meant to be anything.”

Michelle exhales a small breath, saying, “If I believed that, I would’ve told you those exact words two years ago, Peter.”

“You told me…”

“I told you,” Michelle begins, watching as he slowly turns around to face her, the look on his face unreadable. “That you would be the first one to know if I ever fell in love with you. But you weren’t the first. I wasn’t even the first.”

“Because it never happened,” Peter says, brows furrowed, but she shakes her head insistently. He has no idea, no idea at all, and it’s her fault.

“I didn’t know how I felt for years, Parker,” she continues, a barely audible, barely humorous laugh escaping her. It’s hard, finally admitting this out loud, but it also feels like a weight being lifted off her chest. “Because you were always there. I never knew any different.”

“MJ...” He seems so confused, and Michelle can’t blame him, knowing that dropping all this information at once isn’t convenient. But if she doesn’t tell him now, she never will.

“Even after you told me how you felt and I didn’t say it back, you still didn’t leave. Two years, Peter, you waited.” She shakes her head, thinking that it’s hard to believe, even now.

“Of course I did, MJ,” he says, his voice softening into something that makes her heart thrum in her ears. It’s nearly impossible to hear anything else.

“Don’t say ‘of course’. Don’t say it like you couldn’t help it,” Michelle responds with a half-hearted snort. 

“MJ,” Peter repeats, a broken record, moving closer so that they’re no longer oceans, miles, feet apart. Only a breath away now. “How could I not? For you, I would’ve waited for as long as it took if I had just been given a sign.”

“I wasn’t sure what I felt for you. Not until you went on a date with someone else did it become obvious,” she admits, averting her gaze and wetting her dry lips. It’s getting harder to say these things out loud. “And by that point, I thought I was too late.”

“You know you still could’ve told me, and I would’ve listened to you. Always.”

“I thought you deserved to have a chance to move on after wasting so much time waiting for me,” she responds quietly.

“Michelle. Please,” Peter says, his voice just as tender as his touch, fingers threading through hers to keep them tethered. “Not a waste.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” Michelle looks down, feeling his fingers squeeze hers gently. Once, twice, like a heartbeat. His other hand comes up, tracing her jawline, tilting her chin upwards just so he can look her in the eyes.

“That’s nothing you’re supposed to apologize for. I promise you, Michelle. I would love you no matter how long I’d have to wait.”

“I thought I was doing you a favor, pushing you to find love with someone else.”

Peter merely shakes his head, expression shrouded with emotion that’s nearly identical to what she’d seen two years ago. The only difference now is that it feels like a love that has matured and grown and strengthened over time.

“I don’t want anyone else. You’ve owned my heart since day one,” he tells her earnestly, and her smile stretches, reaching her eyes. 

“Now that,” Michelle murmurs, releasing a chuckle as he grins. “Is an incredibly Peter Parker thing to say. You tell this to all of your friends?”

Peter laughs, his thumb now brushing across her cheekbone as he says, “Only the ones I’m in love with.”

“Well. You can bet on your life that I am very much in love with you, too,” she utters, and it feels so nice to finally say that out loud, to say that to him and see his eyes soften with this warmth that’s always been reserved just for her.

“Does this mean I can…” He hesitates, his expression a shy thing. “Can I kiss you?”

Michelle doesn’t respond to his question, knowing that it doesn’t require an answer when she’s the one leaning down, finally pressing her lips to his. 

It’s funny, the way that they’ve been best friends with each other for years, Michelle assuming she’d known everything there was to know about Peter Parker. But kissing him was a revelation, one she welcomed with open arms and parted lips, his tongue easily slipping into her mouth.

“Peter,” she breathes when they break apart, seeing the way his pupils are dilated and his lips are swollen. “What do you want to do?”

Peter’s eyes dart across her face, his gaze darker even as he goes to press a kiss against her forehead, saying, “I want to show you the way that I love you, Em...if that’s okay.”

Michelle can feel her heart race for him, and she bites back a grin as she mutters, “Show me.”

Peter doesn’t hesitate to kiss her this time after smiling, an earnest thing, his palms sliding against the bare skin of her back. He guides her to his bedroom, somewhere she’s been a countless number of times, but never like this. Never in love, and it feels like something new.

They barely make it past the door before Peter has her against the wall, his kisses trailing down the column of her neck, insistent and tender and just lovely. Her fingers find their way into his hair, tugging loosely, and she rolls her hips, eliciting a groan out of him.

“Michelle,” he exhales, taking a moment to just rest his forehead against hers, and a smile curls on her lips.

“Peter,” she counters but is wholly unprepared for the moment his fingers slip past the band of her sweatpants, putting pressure in just the right place, and it leaves her gasping. 

Michelle could feel herself heating up at the contact, the roughness of his fingers working in her favor as they traveled even further, even deeper. She closes her eyes, head tipping back and hitting the cheap plaster of his bedroom.

“God, Em. You are so beautiful,” Peter sighs, his breath fanning her cheek as he purposely pumps his fingers, the rhythm pushing her against the wall with every unhurried stroke. 

Michelle can’t think straight, only registering the way his one hand was bracing her at the waist, the other knuckle-deep inside. She knows she isn’t far off from seeing stars, but he is taking his sweet time with her.

“Could you be any slower?” she manages, and he grins at her, a shit-eating thing. “Oh, fuck off—”

“What do you want from me, Em?” Peter asks, teasing her now, his free hand coming up to tenderly brush her cheek. “You want me to leave? Or do you want me to…”

His fingers suddenly curl to hit a new spot that nearly makes her eyes roll back, one of her hands yanking roughly at his hair while the other grasps fruitlessly for purchase on the wall.

But before her mind starts to blank, Michelle thinks that she doesn’t want it to end like this. She knows she wants Peter—not just his fingers but all of him, and she tells him as much while pressing his lips to his ear.

It doesn’t take long, one expression full of thinly veiled adoration later, and the two of them are falling gracelessly back onto his bed.

Peter’s chest is heaving, as is hers, him balanced over her as he brings one hand to his mouth, sucking his fingers almost absentmindedly. She watches him, wetting her own lips, feeling the heat in her gut churn.

It takes a minute and a fair amount of fumbling, clumsy as they both are, to finally find themselves fully unclothed. But by the end of it, Michelle is kissing Peter slowly, languidly, relishing in every moment as he utters relentless words of affection in her ear.

“Now?” she manages to ask, and Peter nods, but not before reaching behind her and gently tugging at the band in her hair that’s kept it up and away. With the tie gone, her curls spill from the bun she’d previously kept them tucked away in, draping across her bare shoulders.

“I’ve always loved it when your hair is down,” he whispers, and she feels stripped to her core, open and vulnerable. But there’s no one she trusts more.

Her heart, her everything, it’s him.

Peter rolls them over, setting her gently back onto the sheets before sliding the condom on. She lets him pepper her collarbone with kisses, though it doesn’t serve as a distraction for when he finally enters her with ease.

Michelle draws him closer with her legs, eyes fluttering shut, his movement neither quick nor urgent but slow and deliberate. He buries his face in the crook of her neck, arms braced around her as if to keep them together.

“Fuck, Peter,” she utters when his thrusts increase in speed, and he kisses her shoulder twice over. “Please, I’m so close.”

“Me, too, Em,” he says, voice running ragged as he holds her even tighter. 

Michelle can feel it, her peak quickly chasing the burn over the edge, and it’s as if she’s falling, falling, falling with only Peter left to catch her. And he’s enough, just as he has always been enough. 

His indelicate cries ring out soon thereafter as he lurches in her arms, and they’re suddenly falling together, holding on as if they were lifelines for each other. She knows that she would never want it any other way, not if it were just the two of them left when everything is over. And it was.

It was always meant to be them in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr & twitter is @coykoii :)


End file.
